


Distant memories of lugubrious eyes

by summertears



Series: I Owe You My Heart [13]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Gintoki didn't want to hurt him, Ginzura - Freeform, Loneliness, M/M, but still, departure, unsolved problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 23:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30079731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summertears/pseuds/summertears
Summary: Gintoki pretends to drink again so he can finally talk with Katsura about all the things that were drawing him away. In the end, he's the one that ends up leaving.
Relationships: Katsura Kotarou/Sakata Gintoki
Series: I Owe You My Heart [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098431
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Distant memories of lugubrious eyes

**THE NIGHT WAS FEVERISH** and a sour atmosphere was present as if sent from the coast. Gintoki ended up laying on Katsura’s futon, in a second night, while he was out to a reunion with their men. Things started to lose control and Katsura seemed to be the one caring about it.

Some wanted to leave, others wanted to bury the corpses of their friends next to their families, and many didn’t want to fight anymore. The war was enough to make a man surrender. And Katsura thought if he was okay at all.

While Takasugi accompanied Sakamoto in his cabaret journey, Gintoki returned, thinking only about how he was lucky to be able to sleep without his shirt, the heavy garments of a warrior, _without a sword._ And he unconsciously laid on Katsura’s room, snoring loudly when he came. Since their meeting after the war, Katsura had been acting strange. The fact is that he didn’t want to _acknowledge it._

“What are you doing in my room?”

Katsura stopped at the door. “Gintoki, this is my room,” he rolled over, his arms exposing his chest. A large scar painted it darker than his skin and Katsura felt something aching inside his chest. “He’s sleep-talking… Gintoki, you must-”

Katsura leaned over to carry him, the hotness mixed with Gintoki’s sweat causing a strange feeling in his stomach. When he was about to make it, Gintoki’s voice alarmed him.

“I mustn’t.”

“Weren’t you asleep? You’re certainly drunk again, I don’t want to keep a conversation with you like that.”

“Will you let me talk?”

“No. Go to your room, I need some space.”

“I wanna hear you,” Gintoki said, his eyes meetings Katsura’s halfway. They looked worried, _afraid._ “I know there’s something ringing inside you. I don’t know what I did last night I got drunk, but I promise I’m not high today.”

“How can I believe you?” Gintoki thought of proving by his breath, but that would be… “Make a four with your legs.”

“What?”

“A four.”

“That’s impossible,” Gintoki protested, not even standing to try.

“So, you’re drunk.”

“Are you worried about being alone again?” Katsura moved his eyes away, but Gintoki held his face with faltering palms. “Look at me. You tend to take other’s problems to yourself; this won’t do you any good. You’re worried about their difficulties driving them away, and you fear being alone.”

“Leave.”

“You have to listen to me. I didn’t sneak into your room for nothing. Zura, I am here.”

“We’ve talked about this,” Katsura turned his face away. Then, stood up. Part of his _yukata_ slipped, exposing his tense shoulder. He pulled it back with a sigh and gave Gintoki his back. “Go back to your room.”

“Why are you avoiding me this much?”

“Stop asking and just _go._ ” It hurt. The way Gintoki’s eyes seemed to intend to say something else, but didn’t. It hurt the way he left with no more questions, despite being asked to stop. Katsura wanted him to stay, in fact. And as he felt himself alone in the room, he kneeled the rough wood against his skin, and spicy transparent droplets running from his eyes.

“I just don’t want to suffer when you go.” He murmured.

Gintoki, outside the room, felt his own heart clenching.

However, he didn’t enter again.

**Author's Note:**

> The _thing_ starts here. Let's see if they'll ever get a happy ending (I hope so).


End file.
